Any More Complaints?
The controller working a busy pattern told the 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft). The pilot of the 727 complained, 'Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?' Without missing a beat the controller replied, 'Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth!'

What the...?!
PSA was following United, taxiing out for departure. PSA called the tower and said 'Tower, this is United 586. We've got a little problem, so go ahead and let PSA go first'. The tower promptly cleared PSA for takeoff before United had a chance to object to the impersonation!

Which Exit Did You Say That Was?
A DC-10 had an exceedingly long landing roll out after landing with his Approach speed just a little too high. San Jose Tower: 'American 751 Heavy, turn right at the end if able. If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 back to the airport.'

Mama Didn't Raise No Fools!
Unknown Aircraft: 'I'm f--king bored!' Air Traffic Control: 'Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!!' Unknown Aircraft: 'I said I was f--king bored, not f--king stupid!'

Yum Yum!
Tower: 'Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7.' Eastern 702: 'Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure ... by the way, as we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway.' Tower: 'Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7 ...did you copy the report from Eastern?' Continental 635: 'Continental 635, cleared for takeoff ... and, yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified their caterers.'

No, That's Not What I Said!
O'Hare Approach Control: 'United 329, traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, 3 miles, eastbound.' United 329: 'Approach, I've always wanted to say this ... I've got the little Fokker in sight.'